Category: Growth Series

“We can all bring ourselves to the next level, excelling in what we do.”

The Enneagram has helped many of us in personal and professional development – This was one big takeaway I got from Jeffrey Lim, our alumnus from The Enneagram Academy. Jeffrey first joined our April 2023 class and since then, his personal and professional lives have been greatly transformed. I had the opportunity to sit down with Jeffrey to hear his transformation story.

The Acquaintance

It turned out that Jeffrey got acquainted with us through our ambassador, Belinda Lee’s Instagram. Belinda had attended the Enneagram course and through it, obtained insights into her life and gained clarity about herself. In addition, watching the video clips and reading the articles on LinkedIn intrigued Jeffrey so much, he decided to learn about his personality. Jeffrey wanted to know why he is different from others and how to differentiate himself. Before he came across our Academy, he was already looking to improve himself. So, when he read about what we offered and the potential changes our courses could bring him, it seemed like the perfect place for growth and self-development! Jeffrey enjoyed learning the Enneagram so much, he went on all the way to Level 2 to improve himself even further!

The Self-Revelation

Jeffrey learnt that as a 5w6, he has an introverted personality and does not take well to people invading his personal space. “I don’t like it when people don’t know safe distancing,” Jeffrey said. He also realised that he is generally able to see the big picture and form very good perspectives of things. Gaining clarity – a Type 5 trait – is the key to achieving these. As a Type 5, he also enjoys working with data. This is why he loves having information at his fingertips before he makes decisions. “Before I travel, whether for work or holiday, I like to read up about everything about the destination and even the airline!”

Learning the Enneagram also revealed a darker side of himself: He tends to self-sabotage. He has inner voices and inner thoughts. However, having this knowledge means that now, he is able to tell himself that he can change things and he has the ability to make things happen. He puts in the effort to do things and even skips less important things to work on what he yearns for. Jeffrey quoted the example of his own learning episode. “I’m currently pursuing a Masters programme. I was supposed to have done it in 2018 but back then, I thought I didn’t have sufficient experience. I finally started in 2021 but I faced difficulties and wanted to give up halfway. Learning the Enneagram made me realise I was on the right track. It taught me that I need to be objective and that I have inner strength and self-confidence. Today, I’m actually enjoying the journey!”

Dealing With People

In the past, Jeffrey thought people were aggressive. Today, he realises they’re just what they are. What we see and hear is just a manifestation of their personalities. Learning the Enneagram has taught Jeffrey to appreciate the differences between people and to celebrate the diversity. Today, at work or family, he reacts to people differently. Jeffrey shared a story to illustrate this point. Jeffrey’s ex-boss was a Type 3. Before learning the Enneagram, he used to prepare PowerPoint decks with as many as eight slides. Since learning the Enneagram, he has understood that two slides were all she needed to give a presentation. She did not need to know the details! Jeff added, “Today, I prepare a more concise deck. I give minimal information at the front but leave the details in the Appendix, in case they’re needed.”

Jeffrey shared that today, because he understands why 5w6 and 6w5 may behave in a similar way as he does, he also appreciates people who are like him more. Although he is a Type 5, Jeffrey can assess the traits of Types 7 and 8 (Jeffrey’s connecting lines). He can be carefree and decisive, and he enjoys good travels on his own. “I’m appreciating myself more today than ever!”

Applying the Enneagram at the Workplace

Professional development is very much in Jeffrey’s DNA. Jeffrey takes charge of talent management and retention in his organisation, so the Enneagram comes in very useful when working with people, including his boss! Jeffrey shared that he crossed from another company to this current firm not long ago, around the same time when he learnt the Enneagram. “When I came here, I introduced it to my organisation and the staff are experiencing the wonders that the Enneagram gives them. A manager who was known to be difficult had a coaching session with me,” he shared. “During the coaching session, I refrained from making any judgement through conversation, ideas and views. I provided him with the space to be upfront and honest about his growth. He saw the light and decided to work on himself – That was one huge satisfaction I got!”

Tips For Fellow Type 5s

“The Enneagram brings other benefits too. During the one-on-one coaching session, my Coach helped me to see new versions of myself. I was able to see possibilities I never knew was possible to create.”

For fellow Type 5s, Jeffrey had these words to share: “Be assertive and honest with what you like or dislike. ⁠Be fearless and take action instead of simply thinking of making a breakthrough. ⁠Learn to trust yourself and build credibility by achieving new things, such as doing oil paintings.”

The Next Level

Jeffrey has these parting words for us, “First, appreciate and understand yourself. Only then will you realise how others are known to you. We can all bring ourselves to the next level, excelling in what we do.”

So in the last post, we gave suggested ways to help the Type 7s, 8s and 9s in your lives.

In this week’s article, we will be turning our attention to how we can support the Type 4s, 5s and 6s in your lives. Let’s get going shall we?

Type 4s – How do I support them?

The ever romantic and emotionally deep Type 4s in your lives are your pillars of support when you are down and need someone to be there for you emotionally. However, their biggest struggle is in overcoming their own hurts and moving on from them. You see them always speaking of the same hurts and they don’t ever seem to want to get out of that vicious ‘processing’ cycle and you are at a loss as to how to help them.

Here are some ways you can support them:

• Do not invalidate their feelings in the process. The worst thing you can say to a Type 4 who is opening up to you about their hurts and pains is, “Come on, snap out of it! Stop being an emotional wreck. Life is short, get over it!” That is a sure fire way of getting them to not only clam up and withdraw from you but also, they would not ever open up to you about anything ever again;

• Check in with them periodically. Okay, so your Type 4 is not ready to move on and you still have your own life to live. How then do you find the balance between being there for them and living your own life? Check in with them from time to time, assure them of your listening ear when they are ready to talk;

• Encourage them to look outside of themselves. Ask them to volunteer their gifts in helping others and to keep a gratitude journal to remind them of what is going right in their lives, instead of what is wrong and ultimately, to remind them of what they have instead of what they don’t have.

Type 5s – How do I support them?

Type 5s are the most logical and observant people, and the best ones to go to when you need a dose of objectivity.

However, Type 5s tend to be so private that they rarely show their feelings. This does not mean that they do not have feelings, they do. They just don’t reveal them to you.

How then should we support a Type 5 if they do let you into their private world and especially when they share their problems with you? Here are some ways:

• Do not abuse the trust they have in you when they have let you into their private world. If a Type 5 has decided to allow you into their private world, do not push boundaries to force them to share with you their thoughts every day and at any time you want them to share. Know that being allowed to be part of their private world is a big deal for them, so respect that.

• Be available. It takes a lot of effort for a Type 5 to reach out to anyone to talk about a problem they have been processing for awhile. When that happens, be sure that you drop everything and meet them or talk to them because they are now ready to have you to be their sounding board to help them move on from their problems;

• Let them withdraw to process, especially in the heat of a disagreement. Usually, because they have such low energy levels, being in a fight is a very draining thing for them. So, if they ask you for the time to let them process through what had been said so far, let them go. It would be beneficial for both parties to take that time to cool off, process and then come back to tackle the issue together. Just be sure to agree with them on the length of time they need to process.

Type 6s – How do I support them?

Type 6s are the most dependable, committed and trustworthy friend you would have in your life.

However, their natural instinct to always doubt themselves and dwell in the worst case scenarios would often paralyze them into inaction. When that happens, how do you support them?

Here is how:

• Ask them to give you two positive outcomes in every negative situation they can think of. This helps them to be more objective whilst looking at an issue or a problem they have and also help them not slide into the pool of paranoia and fear that is often waiting for them to fall into;

• Help them own the compliments they receive by giving them small compliments (with no strings attached) periodically. This helps them see that you give compliments out of love and not that there is a hidden agenda. This would also help them see that they do have strengths that others can see and that are worth being complimented for;

• Encourage them to move out of the ‘thinking’ cycle and into the ‘doing’ cycle. Here is something you can ask a Type 6 who is always thinking about the contingencies, “Do you notice that after some time, you think about the same problem again?” If they say they do, ask them to take a constructive action and notice how the story unfolds. This is to help them notice how taking action can help them get out of the mental fear

So, these are some of the ways we can support the Type 4s, 5s and 6s in our lives.

Again, respect that certain people need some time to process their thoughts and feelings. Do not be so quick to jump in with read solutions. Sometimes, just being there for them in the way they need you to be for them is the best gift you can give them.

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Thinking about how the Enneagram can enrich your life? Contact us today to find out more. SkillsFuture credits can be used to offset the cost, so come and ask us how today!

In the coming weeks in this 3 part series, we will be looking at how we can support each Enneagram Type in ways that would resonate with them.

The motivation behind this series is simple – Each Enneagram Type have specific struggles and since we all agree that we all would like to be seen and heard by the people in our lives, why not see and hear each Enneagram Type in a way they prefer?

So to kick this series off, we thought we would begin with Type 7s, 8s and 9s.

Ready? Good. Let’s go!

Type 7s – How do I support them?

The ever happy Type 7s bring joy to the people in their lives with their natural optimism and ‘sunshine’ attitude. However, the seemingly ever joyful 7s heart hold many deep hurts. Hurts that they avoid at all costs because to feel pain is the most excruciating thing for them.

However, if we have Type 7s in our lives, who deem us close enough for them to open up to us about their deepest hurts, here is how we can support them:

• Assure them that you are listening without judgement. This would allow them to know that you have created a safe space for them to let go of their hurts and open their hearts to you (and to the healing process);

• Sit with them through their pain as they express themselves. Do not downplay their hurts even though they would usually say it as a joke, or say that it doesn’t hurt. The worst thing you could say to them would be, “Are you sure you are hurt? Come on, you seem okay, you will get through this just fine.”

• Give them the space to talk out how they would like to move on. Refrain from giving them solutions. Ask short questions to them for self-reflection and draw conclusions before they reframe and move on (sometimes too quickly).

Type 8s – How do I support them?

Type 8s are called The Boss for a reason. As soon as they step into a room, their auras reek of authority and the innate strength that they naturally possess.

However, Type 8s normally do not think that they need help in any area of their life. “If I need help, I am weak” would be the psyche of a Type 8.

But there are times then that the Type 8s would allow themselves to be vulnerable enough with the people closest to them and ask for help, here is how you can support them:

• Do not drop everything and jump to their rescue, as that would make them look weak. As they tend to live in denial of needing help, they may be blind to see that they are in fact in a dire state. Be bold to speak up and highlight how bad the situation truly is. Suggest a ‘self-help solution’ such as “If the situation doesn’t improve, you may want to try googling this …” Throw them a life buoy and let them help themselves.

• Listen to what they need help for, then give them two to three solutions for them to choose. Type 8s are very big about being in control, so help them by letting choose the kind of help they would like from you;

• A word of thanks would be a bonus. Do not expect it. Smile and walk away knowing that you have helped a Type 8 and that they appreciate it, even though they may not verbalise it.

Type 9s – How do I support them?

Everyone knows and finds it difficult to dislike a Type 9 with the nicest and most easygoing nature. However, it can be such a struggle for them to make a decision and sometimes they will take take the longest time to make one because they want everyone around them to be happy.

As easygoing as they are, they do get frustrated sometimes especially when being pushed, how then do we support them before their frustration boils over? Here is how:

• Let them choose from a maximum of three choices. Limiting their choices will help in sharpening their focus and help them come to a decision in a quicker manner;

• Allow them to make the decision. Do not, I repeat, do not make the decision for them. No one likes to have their opportunity to make a decision snatched from them – as easygoing as they are. Create that safe environment for them to say no by assuring them that even if they disagree with you or tell you things that yo may not want to hear, the relationship would still be intact. Also highlight to them the consequence of not making a stand. If they do not say no now, it may snowball into a bigger conflict if they say yes and underdeliver. Hence it makes it safer for them to say the ‘no’ that their hearts desire;

• Show them how much you value their voice – regardless of whether you agree or disagree. This will help them to be more comfortable in voicing out their views even though it may turn out to be an unpopular opinion. Respect their decision and appreciate them for having the courage to share their inner most authentic views.

So there you have it – some practical ways to support the Type 7s, 8s and 9s in your life.

Everyone deserves to be respected and loved for who they are. That, ultimately, lies the true power of the Enneagram framework. It gives us the opportunity to love and appreciate people for their worldviews and who they are and not based on what we think should be done for them.

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Intrigued by how the Enneagram would help you become a better friend, partner and colleague to others? Contact us today to find out more. Furthermore, being able to claim your SkillsFuture credits for our course is a bonus any day any time. So don’t be shy, ask us how now!

If the Enneagram is a tool for personal growth, is there a “right” or ethical way of using it?

A lot of times, we hear people say, “I’m a Type X; therefore, I’m behaving this way.” The first rule for the ethical use of the Enneagram: Your Enneagram Type is not an excuse to justify your bad behaviour. In fact, what my co-coach rightly said: The aim of knowing your Type is to “loose” and “lose” it.

We’ve come to the last part of how to use your non-dominant wing for self-growth! Click here for Part 1 (Types’ 1, 2 and 3) and here for Part 2 (Types’ 4, 5 and 6).

Now, let’s look at how Types’ 7, 8, and 9 can use their non-dominant wing.

Type 7

• If you have a 6 Wing

A Type 7 with a 6 wing has superb people skills, funny, and is more open to being vulnerable compared to the Type 7 with an 8 wing. At their best, they’re able to think through quickly, are sensitive to the feelings of others and are very practical. In times of stress, they can become scattered and less focused, and they may turn to relationships or acquiring possessions to distract themselves from their anxiety. The non-dominant 8 wing encourages them to take back control in their lives – to face conflicts head-on and to not be afraid of calling out people when necessary.

• If you have an 8 Wing

A Type 7 with an 8 wing are more assertive, ambitious, confident and more competitive compared to the Type 7 with a 6 wing. At their best, they’re more self-aware, and they make a conscious effort to slow down and evaluate their life.  In times of stress, they can be workaholic, demanding and short-tempered. The non-dominant 6 wing inspires them to be cautious, calculate the risk, and work out the (contingency) plan in order to complete tasks.

Type 8

• If you have a 7 Wing

A Type 8 with a 7 wing are outgoing, ambitious, energetic and impulsive. At their best, they’re able to soften up, be kind and gentle while using their power constructively. In times of stress, they can be workaholic, demanding, short-tempered and have difficulty completing tasks. Their non-dominant 9 wing inspires them to prioritise peace instead of justice (sometimes)- that you should choose your battles wisely.

• If you have a 9 Wing

A Type 8 with a 9 wing have more patience and less confrontational compared to the 8w7, and they can switch their aggressiveness on and off. At their best, they possess a quiet power and wisdom that helps them achieve their goals. In times of stress, they may withdraw, and their moods and reactions tend to be unpredictable. Their non-dominant 7 wing inspires them to look at the positive side of life, and it’s ok to lighten up and not take things seriously all the time.

Type 9

• If you have an 8 Wing

A Type 9 with an 8 wing combines the strength of Type 8 with the “go-with-the-flow” attitude of Type 9, so they are more independent and assertive compared to the 9w1. At their best, they’re pleasant, agreeable, calm and exudes an innate sense of authority. In times of stress, they experience a strong internal tension but will remain compliant. However, there’s a possibility of them having an explosion. Their non-dominant 1 wing inspires a 9w8 to be aware of what is right from wrong, drawing boundaries, be precise in stating standards, in order to hold the ground to keep the peace in the long run.

• If you have a 1 Wing

A Type 9 with a 1 wing is more reserved and idealistic compared to 9w8 and are pleasant to be around. At their best, they are incredibly principled and structured with their routines. In times of stress, they will repress their emotions and usually suffer in silence. They have the tendency to be rigid and resentful towards others. Their non-dominant 8 wing inspires them to take control of their life, and that it’s important to assert their needs and wants.

The Enneagram is complex – knowing our core type, wing, and subtype provides us with the blueprint of our personality and the path to growth to become the best version of ourselves (the person we’re meant to be).

I hope this series has inspired you to use not only the strengths of your dominant wing but also tap into the wisdom and traits or your non-dominant wing and work on being more balanced and grounded.

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Curious about your Enneagram type? Here’s a quick overview of the 9 Types. I know reading through these descriptions can be confusing. So save yourself from second-guessing and figure out your type with the help of our online test.

Personality Typology is fun (for the most part)- they give us in-depth information on how we process information, what our traits are, and the reason why we do things the way we do. But Enneagram, in particular, is a lot more complex. Not only does it give us clarity on our ego structure and worldview (the reason why we do things the way we do), but it’s also a tool for growth and personal development. It sheds light on our coping mechanisms and false narratives that we tell ourselves. It makes us realise that as human beings, we are highly adaptable and we’re able to tap into the strengths of other types and allows us to become the person we’re meant to be.

You might be thinking, how do we do this? Well, the answer is easier said than done. After all, changing one’s behaviour and mindset is the most challenging thing we can ever do as a human. There’s a lot of reason why a sustained change is tremendously difficult. At the same time, there’s a lot of benefits when we actively work on to change, you can read about it here.

The good news is that you can use Enneagram as a map for your self-growth journey and the whole aim is to “loose” or “lose” your type – reduce the influence of your core type’s fixation over your life.

So how do we use our knowledge of the Enneagram to become our best selves? Here’s what we can do:

1. Focus on your non-dominant wing.
2. Develop or exercise the traits of the 2 Types connected to your Core Type.

Let’s explore the first point. Below, I discuss how we can shift our focus in using our non-dominant wing:

Type 1

• If you have a 9 Wing

A Type 1 with a 9 wing combines the perfectionism of Type 1 and the withdrawal from stress or conflict of Type 9. In times of stress, they may resort to over-controlling their emotions by repressing them but will resort to suspicion, blaming, and passive-aggressive behaviour. The less dominant wing 2 reminds them that they should put themselves in others’ shoes more often. The world in itself is broken and hurting- people aren’t always going to follow the rules and what’s right. That all of us humans and at some point have fallen short on some areas of our life. Being angry that people don’t measure up isn’t always the best way to deal with people, and sometimes you need to see where their difficulties are, meet them at their level and find ways to help them achieve breakthrough.

• If you have a 2 Wing

A Type 1 with a 2 wing combines the practicality of Type 1 and the external focus of Type 2. In times of stress, there’d be a tremendous conflict between Type 1’s perfectionism and Type 2’s pride of being kind and generous. They may spiral into hopelessness and may become violent due to repressed anger. When you lean towards your non-dominant wing 9, you’ll be more open to differing views and put in effort to understand others perspectives. Think about letting go and not focus too much on what’s right and wrong. And consider that a wise person knows how to pick their battles, and maybe the best way to deal with something is to let nature takes it course.

Type 2

• If you have a 1 Wing

A Type 2 with a 1 wing are warm and generous combined with moral obligation of Type 1. According to Riso & Hudson, “They are often Good Samaritans, willing to take on thankless and unglamorous tasks that others generally avoid.” In times of stress, they would insist on helping others in the way that they think is the “right” or best way to help the person. They may find it harder to recognise their own needs and feelings and may further believe that having a personal desire is wrong and selfish. If they’re able to tap into the other wing that is 3, it allows them to focus on the tasks, goals, to-do list and KPI’s they have at hand. What they do for others might not be appreciated but they definitely need to learn to appreciate themselves for practicing self-love. The wing 3 reminds them that it is a disservice to neglect yourself (especially task assigned to you at work) in order to take care of others.

• If you have a 3 Wing

A Type 2 with a 3 wing being solidly in the Heart Triad, is very charismatic, chatty, versatile and more social than Type 2w1. They are generous in offering all their good qualities and advice to others. In times of stress, they might have a difficult time to see past their overwhelming feelings. They can become arrogant, overbearing and are prone to bursts of anger. If they tap into their non-dominant wing 1, they’d be able to set boundaries on how to differentiate what is the absolute right from what’s nice. Sometimes, it’s about asking themselves, if the nice thing they wanted to do (for others) is the absolute right thing to do. And instead of helping blindly, you could set some boundaries, conditions and “pre-requisites” before deciding whether to help or not.

Type 3

• If you have a 2 Wing

A Type 3 with a 2 wing have a gift of making others feel special and are very influential by inspiring people to go after success and achieve what they want in life. In times of stress, they can be extremely competitive and may compare their success to others. There’s also a tendency to be “human doings”, to do tasks faster, tasks to be loved and admired. If they’re able to use the strengths of their 4 wing, they’ll go deep within themselves to feel and think about what matters to them – whether checking off of to-do lists and accomplishments alone can truly make them happy and feel loved. Ultimately, the 4 wing reminds them that they are truly unique as an individual and that they are deserving of love for who they are and not what they do.

• If you have a 4 Wing

A Type 3 with a 4 wing have a mastered skill set and a flair of creativity that allows them to accomplish their goals. They’re a little bit more reserved and introspective compared to the 3w2. When struggling, they tend to keep it within themselves, can be moody and cut off their emotions, burying themselves to work. The non-dominant 2 wing will encourage them to look outward, be more thoughtful and care more about people, and to use their talents and abilities to uplift and inspire others.

Next week, I’ll discuss Types’ 4, 5 and 6 on how they could use the traits of their non-dominant wing to bring up their self-mastery level.

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Curious about your Enneagram type? Here’s a quick overview of the 9 Types. I know reading through these descriptions can be confusing. So save yourself from second-guessing and figure out your type with the help of our online test.